Author: Anna Calandro

Learning how to practice Heart Coherence

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For two weeks now I have had the pleasure of practising Heart Coherence thanks to being introduced to it via a wonderful new 12-week course I have started.  Since I have been doing this practice I have seen my life blossom in so many ways. My joy, optimism and creativity are palpable.  And this is in such a contrast to where I was for the previous few months.

It’s fair to say that this winter was quite a dark one for me.  My mum underwent rather radical treatment for cancer but, thankfully, is now calling herself a cancer survivor.  However one of my dearest friends was not so lucky.  After a very brave and stoical battle, she lost her fight to a very rare form of cancer which only affects one in six million people.

Despite my spiritual, self-care and kinesiology practices, I could not keep myself up.  I was diagnosed with depression but that diagnosis never really felt apt.  I just felt overloaded, super stressed and embroiled in a very deep grieving process.

I have always been opposed to many forms of traditional medicine so I staunchly chose not to medicate with antidepressants.  Instead, I chose kinesiology plus counselling.  I can’t say that the first counsellor helped very much but then I chose another one who was so much more in alignment with my own personal values and beliefs.  This was the beginning of my path back to emotional wellbeing.

What has taken me to beyond just feeling good to feeling like life really is something special is the practice of Heart Coherence.  It’s such a beautifully simple and quick process.  It only takes three minutes.  Here’s how it goes.

Sit yourself down, close your eyes and take three deep breaths.  Put two fingers of one hand in the centre of your chest.  Think about events or picture images of things which truly give you feelings of joy, gratitude and appreciation.  This can be as simple as imagining the sun on your face.  Now put your whole hand on your heart and sit with these feelings for three minutes.  When you’re ready, give your toes and fingers a bit of a wriggle and open your eyes.

This practice was developed by the good folk at the HeartMath Institute. Check out this video by them on YouTube. <iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/QdneZ4fIIHE” frameborder=”0″ allow=”autoplay; encrypted-media” allowfullscreen>

I’d love to hear about your experiences of doing Heart Coherence.  Please share below and shout out if you have any questions.

A heart shape cut out of bushes.
Practising Heart Coherence has changed my life.

Much love to you from me,

Anna xxx

 

 

How to be grounded

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View from Darebin Creek
Nature is the perfect place to ground.
The expression of “being too much in your head” can manifest itself in a few ways. You may be constantly cogitating and agitating. You may be absent from other people or factors in your life. You may be distracted, you may be over-reactive. And you won’t be grounded. It’s not really a great place to be.
 
When I find myself going over the same things in my head, I find it really helpful to consciously ground myself.  I have two favourite ways of doing this.  The easiest is just breathing slowly and deeply.  You can do this anywhere or at any time and chances are nobody will notice you doing so.
But being in nature is perhaps my all-time favourite way to get grounded. For me, nothing is more beautiful, inspiring or soothing as the ocean or the forest.  
 
It’s been an emotional week for me. On Sunday, I felt an overwhelming need to go to one of my favourite spots along the Yarra and just be with the trees.
Although this sometimes feels like a luxury. That is, taking time out to really connect with nature, it’s really more of a necessity.  This is how I get grounded. I also love to do yoga and spend a few minutes meditating.  What’s your favourite way to get grounded?
Anna xxx

Inner Brilliance

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We’re all born with inner brilliance but how are you going with displaying it now?  And by inner brilliance, I mean your beautiful ability to shine and sparkle, content with who you are and what you’re doing.

When you spend time with a baby, his or her inner brilliance is on display to all the world.  They don’t shy away from it or cover it up.  They are radiant with it. They grin, gurgle and know that they are wonderful.

I know that I have been sometimes challenged in displaying my inner light over the last few months.  Modern day life, with lots of rushing and different pressures, can sometimes drain your inner brilliance. Self-doubt, that destroyer of inner peace and comparing yourself to others in business, house size, etc can also take their toll. Taking life too seriously is also a good dampener of inner brilliance.

So what can you do to shine and sparkle some more? Here are my four top tips.

  • Make sure you spend time each day doing something you love.  It doesn’t have to take long.  Maybe it’s patting your pet, tickling your child or having a well earned cuppa.  One of my favourite activities is reveling in the beauty of mother nature.
  • Trust that you have inner brilliance even if you can’t see or feel it.  Look within, through meditation or checking in to find it. Work on building it up and radiating it out.
  • Be ever so kind to yourself.  Be your own cheerleader.
  • Trust that all is well, even though you could view it differently.

I have found that having kinesiology sessions has always helped me to shift less than helpful negative patterns or thoughts.  If you think it might help you, give me a call on 0416 733 834 for a chat.

Much love and belief in your inner brilliance,

Anna xxx

The Gifts in Heartbreak

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It’s fair to say that I know a thing or two about heartbreak.  Not just the romantic kind but also the potentially bruising heartbreak of not achieving what you’ve got your heart set on. But all of this involves looking for external validation.  As the sages say, what we seek we already have within us.  Mystic Persian poet Rumi writes, “You wander from room to room looking for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck.”

As you probably know, in emotional pain there is an opportunity for both suffering and opening. Suffering often involves the agonising of going over everything in your head, wondering what would have happened if only you did things differently.  I know, I’ve been there and it’s really not a fun place to be. It can also be the dashed dreams of what you thought your future looked like.

Opening means softening into the pain and letting your heart crack wide open to let the light in.  And through illumination, we see our gifts and the meaning of the lessons. Some of the lessons I have learned is that I am precious even if I have let myself be treated otherwise and that I can be strong and capable on my own.  One other huge lesson was that I couldn’t have a successful relationship with someone who has no love for himself.

Does softening into the sensation mean that you will feel no pain?  Heck, no.  Heartbreak is real and sometimes it feels that it’s going to snap you in two. But don’t try to resist it.  Flow with it.  Let the pain wash over you.  See where you feel it in your body and soften into that.  Don’t try to judge it.  Just let the sensations be.  When we don’t rate our sensations as either good or bad they are free to be and also to move on.

Also, be very gentle with yourself.  Don’t listen to well-meaning people who tell you to just “buck up” or that you should be over it by now.  Grieving is a real process and generally, it takes quite a bit of time.

And ask yourself, “What’s the learning in this?  What are the gifts? Could this heartbreak be an opportunity for you to rediscover your strengths or even your self? Could it be teaching you how to stay in alignment?

I love helping women with issues relating to the heart.  Whether it’s a relationship problem or an issue to do with self, it’s always an honour to help people gain more peace and clarity.  Contact me if you feel I may be able to help you too.

Much love, Anna xxx

 

 

The Art of Emotional Embodiment: Using Your body to Free Your Emotions

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Photo by Hannah Rodrigo on Unsplash

The fastest way to clear yourself of an emotion is to practice something I know as emotional embodiment.

Emotions register in the body as a physical sensation, whether it’s heaviness, tightness or pain.  But here’s the thing.  They are gateways back to yourself, back to your soul.

I find it both a privilege and illuminating to guide clients into emotional embodiment. Usually, it’s a very gently process but sometimes it’s a colourful ride with the client easily dropping through layers of vibrant images and messages.  All the while I hold sacred space and the client feels nurtured and safe.  Your body, with its highest intelligence, will only let you face what you are ready to face. 

Here’s the basic process that you can try by yourself.

Firstly, find an issue or emotion you want to work on.  Maybe you’re feeling blocked or overwhelmed.

Secondly, close your eyes and focus your attention on your body in relation to the emotion.  See what part of your body is calling you the loudest.  Let go of any thoughts or stories and just focus on the physical sensations.  Does it feel tight, heavy, tingly etc.? Then see yourself submerging yourself into the sensation.  If it’s daunting to submerge yourself, then just sit at the edge of it to start with.

Whatever you’re feeling is okay.  By feeling it you can release any possible blockages.  Just surrender into the sensations of your body.

Ask your intuition what this sensation, e.g. tightness, means?  Then see if, with gravity’s help, you can drop deeper.  To drop further into it.  Let your body know that you are ready to listen to it. Welcome all that comes up. There is no rush in this process.

Are there any colours associated with the physical sensation? I usually find that people start off with dark, sombre colours and then progress into lighter ones. The lighter ones are reached at the deepest core of your body.  Open here and expand into the lightness.  You may feel freer and more expansive.  Enjoy this beautiful sensation. Breathe it in deeply to all your cells. 

If you get a flash of memory into the pain, work with that.  Maybe you get a vision of yourself as a small child.  Let your current, wise, loving self, go back to your younger self and ask her what she needs?  Listen carefully.  Give her your love and invite her to heal.  Imagine wrapping her up in a loving embrace and then let your current self come back to the present.

Are you ready to bravely release the pain of blocked emotions?  Make a stand for wholeness and emotional freedom?  Check out my Work with Me page here by pressing this button. Work with me

How to Stop Giving Away Your Personal Power

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Standing in your personal power takes dedication and vigilance.  It’s all too easy to unwittingly give your power away.  This can be done in personal relationships, in business and in day to day life.

It can happen through feelings of insecurity, dwelling on the past, focusing on lack or playing the nice girl who doesn’t want to claim what is hers.  Have I been there? Hell, yes.  But these days when I catch myself doing so I tend to pay attention and work on changing it.

Please remember that exercising or standing in your personal power is a lot like flexing a muscle, the more you do it, the stronger it will become. 

Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash.

Is there an area of your life where you feel you are playing it small?  If you answered yes, you might like to try the following easy steps.

  1. The first step is not to berate yourself but approach it from a self-loving, self-honouring perspective. e.g “I notice I’m playing it small here.  This is not my natural state.  I am powerful.”
  2. Acknowledge what you are contributing to the situation and make a choice if you want to change it.  It can be as easy as saying, “I am taking my power back from…(situation, person or self-sabotage)
  3.  See yourself standing tall and proud and maintaining your energetic boundaries.  One practice I do is when I imagine sending my energy to the eight corners of the space I am.  I feel my chest expanding as I push the energy out. I also direct my energy downwards into the earth to feel grounded at the same time.
  4. Put your hands on your solar plexus chakra (below your ribs) which will strengthen it and allow you to better exert your peaceful power.
  5. You can also try adopting a power inducing yoga pose, such as Warrior Pose or make up your own.  Pretend you’re Superman or just stand with your hands firmly on your waist. Try it for two minutes a day.  Some primary schools in Melbourne even make this part of their students’ daily routine.
  6. Be your own unshakeable support person.  Don’t hold back on giving yourself a pep talk.
  7. Recognise that you always have a choice.  If you feel that you need to remove yourself from a situation or person to maintain your integrity do so.

Going gently with your rage

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Thanks to Pinterest

I remember clearly the first time, when I was a new mum, that I heard another new mum mention how she sometimes felt rage.  I was quite taken aback to hear her talk openly about the rage she sometimes felt while parenting.

Rage and parenting

Surely rage was something we should not be feeling after fulfilling our long and dearly held wish for a baby? And if we did sometimes feel this very real and visceral emotion, isn’t it something better kept to ourselves?

I can honestly say that I had not noticed feeling rage before I became a mum, nearly 10 years ago. I remember being quite shocked at this realisation.

I was the person, who waited 18 years before my dream of becoming a mum came true.  I then thought that everything would just fall into place, easily and peacefully.  Little did I know that my very idyllic and naïve view would come crashing down around my ears.

So there I was, a new mum, with an angel in my world but I often feeling overcome with intense feelings of heartbreaking loneliness (as a sole parent), despair, frustration and sometimes even rage.

Recently I listened to a most excellent interview with Ruth King on Sounds True’s, Self Acceptance Summit. With much wisdom, grace and personal experience, King spoke about the Six Disguises of Rage.

She described how rage is lodged into our bodies back when we are children.  It belongs to the Amygdala and Limbic part of the brain which is sometimes known as our primitive brain.  This is where survival emotions such as Fight, Flight and Shrink (most people know it as Freeze) are embedded into our psyche.

Fight

King spoke about how there is both a dominance and defiance disguise within Fight mode. Dominance exhibits as wanting to control our lives, so we are never controlled.  One harsh lesson of parenting is that despite our best intentions, life with a newborn is uncontrollable.  You can lovingly feed, change and nurture your baby but he or she still may howl for hours.

The defiance disguise of Fight mode displays as belligerent, outwardly angry behaviour.  You use anger to divert your need for love.  This is a true cry out for love.

Flight

In flight mode, the distraction disguise is when you fill every minute or your life with things to do.  King uses the example of needing one more black dress or one more scoop of ice cream.  Incidentally, this is where addiction occurs. Since becoming a mother I have had my own struggles with a sugar addiction but am thankfully now free of that.

The devotion disguise of Flight is the person who takes perfect care of others but doesn’t attend to their own needs.  These people are very much longing for what they are giving.

Shrink

The dependence disguise of Shrink mode is to deny your own personal power, and in the fear of losing someone, you then play it small.

The depression disguise of Shrink is to shut down to avoid feelings of overwhelm and to try and keep things tight and controlled.  I know that I have done this in my parenting journey.

According to King, these six disguises keep people under control because they are too afraid of the true expression of their rage.  However, “Rage holds the body in hostage,” explained King.  The deeper roots of rage are sadness, grief,

Moving mountains with your rage

and any other unfinished stuff waiting for us to love it into transformation.

King advises for us to get to know our “rage child.” She does this by dropping the story and going inside the body with our attention.

As a kinesiologist, this is what I call emotional embodiment.  King also says that we can ask ourselves, “What are the beliefs about the issue?  Am I feeling all alone?  Is this true? Do I need to rest or give myself some compassion?

Through my work, I am honoured to help women process and shift their emotions through embodiment. If you feel like you need some help with your less than positive emotions, please give me a call on 0416 733 834.

Much love,

Anna xxx

 

The Happy Butterfly Project

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Feeling happy can often feel as elusive as a transitory butterfly.

I can honestly say that in my 10-year solo parenting journey, happiness has been like a butterfly who didn’t often decide to sit on my shoulder.  Instead of feeling joy, I was firmly planted in survival mode and at times overwhelmed by feelings of responsibility, stress and in the early days, social isolation.

Thankfully, now, I am in a really good space and wish to celebrate and build on this fact.  You may be wondering what has lead to this change.

Following the happy trail

Over the last six years especially, I have done a great deal of internal work. Before becoming a kinesiologist, I witnessed how much it improved my own life. This inspired me to help other women on their own personal journey. So I studied kinesiology and am now privileged to be a practitioner.

Also, my kids are now both in school.  This doesn’t mean I have much time to spare but I have uninterrupted time to both work on my business and study. A winning combination.

Springing into Spring

I’m also the kind of person, whom Spring performs its magic on. It really does put a spring in my step, a smile on my face and feelings of happiness in my heart.

 

According to Marci Shimoff, author of Happy For No Reason, “when you notice good things that happen to you, you activate your reticular activating system (RAS).” This a group of cells at the base of the brain stem responsible for turning on your memory system and allowing it to bring anything important to your attention.

This means that if you take note of when you are feeling happy, you are able to build on other happy events which helps you to experience even more of them.  As Shimoff writes, ” When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS makes sure that is what you see… Once you notice something positive, take a few moments to savour it.”

Come join the Happy Butterfly Project

I’m now on a personal mission to write down my own moments of joy. It’s only a line or two but I feel that it’s going to be really worthwhile. Who wants to join me?

If you feel like you might need a little help on the path to joy, please consider booking in for a kinesiology session with me.

Much love and joy to you, Anna. xxx

Reaching Out for Help

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In this fast paced world, where there can be multiple things (or children) screaming for your attention at the one time, it’s crucial to reach out for help if and when you need it. 

Nearly two years ago, I was actually so miserable, disconnected and feeling alone, that I took steps to leave this earth. I fervently believed that death had to be easier than what I was experiencing here and that my children would somehow be okay without me. Madness? Yes, I see that now.

As a write this, I’m wondering if any of you will now be condemning me as a mother and declaring me not worthy of having children.

So what happened?  Did I change my mind?  Not really.  Let’s just say that the universe intervened and I realised that my place is here, alongside my beautiful kids.

You might also be asking if I actually love my children?  The answer is an unequivocal, “Yes”.  I love them with every fibre of my being and they know that.

So how could I contemplate leaving them?  I actually thought they might be better off with a new mum.  A mum who wasn’t tired much of the time, cranky and lost.

Thank goodness I am no longer in that same fragile state. Yeah, I still get tired and cranky but I no longer feel that life is just too hard to bear.

I’m actually nervous about posting this piece.  I’ve only told one friend and two practitioners about that ever so dark blip in my mothering journey but I feel I have an important message to share.

I get it that everyone has personal challenges and that life is really busy for them. But for someone to contemplate checking out there must have been outward signs.  Do I have good, close friends and family?  Absolutely. And did I talk to them about all of this? Not entirely.

Sure some people knew I was not in a happy space but I actually did not want to trouble my two closest friends, with the absolute seriousness of what was going on.  I figured that they had enough to worry about.

So what is my message?  I’m asking you, if you’ve read this far, to look around your own group of family and friends.  See if there’s anyone who might need some help, a break or an ear to bend. Don’t just dismiss them as someone who is down and not much fun to be around.

For goodness sake, reach out to them.  And I don’t mean by text. And please don’t ask a parent how they are feeling in front of their children (people are very good at putting on a brave face).

Go out for a coffee and talk face to face.  And if you feel inclined to help in some way, don’t just ask, “Is there anything I can do?”  If you see that they are not coping in some way and may need a break, INSIST on them accepting your helping.  Make it easy for them to say yes.

I’m actually blown away by the absolute kindness of a new school friend (another sole parent) who has offered to mind my kids for an upcoming weekend. My first reaction was that I couldn’t possibly do this but she was quite clear that I had no choice. “You WILL be having a weekend off.  And I WILL nag you until you choose a date.”  Bless her.

This will be my second weekend off without the kids, for fun and not study, in nearly 10 years. Hallelujah. I am feeling very, very lucky, supported, grateful and blessed.  And I’m looking forward to either returning the favour or paying it forward.

This seems a bit trite to tack on the end of this piece but if you are feeling that life is just too hard, please take the step to talk to someone about it.  I actually chose, the non-medication route but if that is what you need please go and talk to your doctor. There is no shame in saying that you need help.  It actually takes more courage to admit that you need it. You might also like to check out Beyond Blue at https://www.beyondblue.org.au.

For me, kinesiology helped enormously. If you called to work with me, please feel free to phone me for a confidential and extremely non-judgemental chat. I have stood where you are standing and I’m so happy to say I have not only survived but am now beginning to thrive.

 

How to turn around feeling rejected

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Feeling rejected can be heart breaking. You’re putting yourself out there:  you’re trying to drum up new business, you might be applying for jobs or hoping to crack into a new social circle.  When you succeed, you give out a little “hooray” but what happens when you don’t get what you’re looking for?  Do you start feeling rejected?  This has definitely been an issue for me.

Yesterday I set myself a challenge of manifesting some new clients.  I experimented with holding the vibration of attracting new clients. Throughout the day I kept checking in with myself to see if I had any discord in my body and when I found some, I traced it back to where it emanated from and sent my past self some love to transmute it.  This all felt great but by the end of the day, still no new clients.

When I woke up today, I knew yesterday’s offering didn’t get any takers and I started feeling rejected. Once again, I went inwards to check what was happening. The area seeking the most attention, naturally, was my heart. It felt so tight and closed. Checking in with my heart, I was taken back to about ten years ago, the time of a heart wrenching break up. I then held my former self with tenderness, love and understanding. I let her cry and I held her. I spoke to her with the wisdom I have today.


I then moved on to my 10 year old self, on the day that my school friends deserted me in the playground and I was left by myself. Giving my younger self love and compassion felt so good. I held her close and told her how precious she is. It was then that I felt my heart start to expand. It got bigger and bigger in my chest. It felt free and expansive.


I also checked in to see if I needed an essential oil to further this healing. ‘Everlasting’ tested up and the healing characteristics relevant to me were amazing. They were all about releasing repressed and buried emotions and using the wisdom and healing of all my experiences to walk out of my pain and torment. Amazing stuff!

A little while later my boy called me over excitedly to show me something in his cereal bowl. It was two sultanas stuck together to form a heart. “This is for you mummy,” he said. So lovely.


I’ve also heard it said that you can’t feel rejected by anyone else unless you reject yourself. As a sensitive person, it’s sometimes easy to inflict further pain on yourself but it doesn’t really help does it? I know for me, it’s time to stop feeling rejected, embrace any pain and shift it through loving kindness.

If you’re feeling any pain from rejection or disappointment, feel free to book in for a kinesiology session with me to help you to turn things around.