Category: Uncategorized

How to be grounded

Anna Calandro on
View from Darebin Creek
Nature is the perfect place to ground.
The expression of “being too much in your head” can manifest itself in a few ways. You may be constantly cogitating and agitating. You may be absent from other people or factors in your life. You may be distracted, you may be over-reactive. And you won’t be grounded. It’s not really a great place to be.
 
When I find myself going over the same things in my head, I find it really helpful to consciously ground myself.  I have two favourite ways of doing this.  The easiest is just breathing slowly and deeply.  You can do this anywhere or at any time and chances are nobody will notice you doing so.
But being in nature is perhaps my all-time favourite way to get grounded. For me, nothing is more beautiful, inspiring or soothing as the ocean or the forest.  
 
It’s been an emotional week for me. On Sunday, I felt an overwhelming need to go to one of my favourite spots along the Yarra and just be with the trees.
Although this sometimes feels like a luxury. That is, taking time out to really connect with nature, it’s really more of a necessity.  This is how I get grounded. I also love to do yoga and spend a few minutes meditating.  What’s your favourite way to get grounded?
Anna xxx

Inner Brilliance

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We’re all born with inner brilliance but how are you going with displaying it now?  And by inner brilliance, I mean your beautiful ability to shine and sparkle, content with who you are and what you’re doing.

When you spend time with a baby, his or her inner brilliance is on display to all the world.  They don’t shy away from it or cover it up.  They are radiant with it. They grin, gurgle and know that they are wonderful.

I know that I have been sometimes challenged in displaying my inner light over the last few months.  Modern day life, with lots of rushing and different pressures, can sometimes drain your inner brilliance. Self-doubt, that destroyer of inner peace and comparing yourself to others in business, house size, etc can also take their toll. Taking life too seriously is also a good dampener of inner brilliance.

So what can you do to shine and sparkle some more? Here are my four top tips.

  • Make sure you spend time each day doing something you love.  It doesn’t have to take long.  Maybe it’s patting your pet, tickling your child or having a well earned cuppa.  One of my favourite activities is reveling in the beauty of mother nature.
  • Trust that you have inner brilliance even if you can’t see or feel it.  Look within, through meditation or checking in to find it. Work on building it up and radiating it out.
  • Be ever so kind to yourself.  Be your own cheerleader.
  • Trust that all is well, even though you could view it differently.

I have found that having kinesiology sessions has always helped me to shift less than helpful negative patterns or thoughts.  If you think it might help you, give me a call on 0416 733 834 for a chat.

Much love and belief in your inner brilliance,

Anna xxx

The Gifts in Heartbreak

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It’s fair to say that I know a thing or two about heartbreak.  Not just the romantic kind but also the potentially bruising heartbreak of not achieving what you’ve got your heart set on. But all of this involves looking for external validation.  As the sages say, what we seek we already have within us.  Mystic Persian poet Rumi writes, “You wander from room to room looking for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck.”

As you probably know, in emotional pain there is an opportunity for both suffering and opening. Suffering often involves the agonising of going over everything in your head, wondering what would have happened if only you did things differently.  I know, I’ve been there and it’s really not a fun place to be. It can also be the dashed dreams of what you thought your future looked like.

Opening means softening into the pain and letting your heart crack wide open to let the light in.  And through illumination, we see our gifts and the meaning of the lessons. Some of the lessons I have learned is that I am precious even if I have let myself be treated otherwise and that I can be strong and capable on my own.  One other huge lesson was that I couldn’t have a successful relationship with someone who has no love for himself.

Does softening into the sensation mean that you will feel no pain?  Heck, no.  Heartbreak is real and sometimes it feels that it’s going to snap you in two. But don’t try to resist it.  Flow with it.  Let the pain wash over you.  See where you feel it in your body and soften into that.  Don’t try to judge it.  Just let the sensations be.  When we don’t rate our sensations as either good or bad they are free to be and also to move on.

Also, be very gentle with yourself.  Don’t listen to well-meaning people who tell you to just “buck up” or that you should be over it by now.  Grieving is a real process and generally, it takes quite a bit of time.

And ask yourself, “What’s the learning in this?  What are the gifts? Could this heartbreak be an opportunity for you to rediscover your strengths or even your self? Could it be teaching you how to stay in alignment?

I love helping women with issues relating to the heart.  Whether it’s a relationship problem or an issue to do with self, it’s always an honour to help people gain more peace and clarity.  Contact me if you feel I may be able to help you too.

Much love, Anna xxx

 

 

Reaching Out for Help

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In this fast paced world, where there can be multiple things (or children) screaming for your attention at the one time, it’s crucial to reach out for help if and when you need it. 

Nearly two years ago, I was actually so miserable, disconnected and feeling alone, that I took steps to leave this earth. I fervently believed that death had to be easier than what I was experiencing here and that my children would somehow be okay without me. Madness? Yes, I see that now.

As a write this, I’m wondering if any of you will now be condemning me as a mother and declaring me not worthy of having children.

So what happened?  Did I change my mind?  Not really.  Let’s just say that the universe intervened and I realised that my place is here, alongside my beautiful kids.

You might also be asking if I actually love my children?  The answer is an unequivocal, “Yes”.  I love them with every fibre of my being and they know that.

So how could I contemplate leaving them?  I actually thought they might be better off with a new mum.  A mum who wasn’t tired much of the time, cranky and lost.

Thank goodness I am no longer in that same fragile state. Yeah, I still get tired and cranky but I no longer feel that life is just too hard to bear.

I’m actually nervous about posting this piece.  I’ve only told one friend and two practitioners about that ever so dark blip in my mothering journey but I feel I have an important message to share.

I get it that everyone has personal challenges and that life is really busy for them. But for someone to contemplate checking out there must have been outward signs.  Do I have good, close friends and family?  Absolutely. And did I talk to them about all of this? Not entirely.

Sure some people knew I was not in a happy space but I actually did not want to trouble my two closest friends, with the absolute seriousness of what was going on.  I figured that they had enough to worry about.

So what is my message?  I’m asking you, if you’ve read this far, to look around your own group of family and friends.  See if there’s anyone who might need some help, a break or an ear to bend. Don’t just dismiss them as someone who is down and not much fun to be around.

For goodness sake, reach out to them.  And I don’t mean by text. And please don’t ask a parent how they are feeling in front of their children (people are very good at putting on a brave face).

Go out for a coffee and talk face to face.  And if you feel inclined to help in some way, don’t just ask, “Is there anything I can do?”  If you see that they are not coping in some way and may need a break, INSIST on them accepting your helping.  Make it easy for them to say yes.

I’m actually blown away by the absolute kindness of a new school friend (another sole parent) who has offered to mind my kids for an upcoming weekend. My first reaction was that I couldn’t possibly do this but she was quite clear that I had no choice. “You WILL be having a weekend off.  And I WILL nag you until you choose a date.”  Bless her.

This will be my second weekend off without the kids, for fun and not study, in nearly 10 years. Hallelujah. I am feeling very, very lucky, supported, grateful and blessed.  And I’m looking forward to either returning the favour or paying it forward.

This seems a bit trite to tack on the end of this piece but if you are feeling that life is just too hard, please take the step to talk to someone about it.  I actually chose, the non-medication route but if that is what you need please go and talk to your doctor. There is no shame in saying that you need help.  It actually takes more courage to admit that you need it. You might also like to check out Beyond Blue at https://www.beyondblue.org.au.

For me, kinesiology helped enormously. If you called to work with me, please feel free to phone me for a confidential and extremely non-judgemental chat. I have stood where you are standing and I’m so happy to say I have not only survived but am now beginning to thrive.

 

How to turn around feeling rejected

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Feeling rejected can be heart breaking. You’re putting yourself out there:  you’re trying to drum up new business, you might be applying for jobs or hoping to crack into a new social circle.  When you succeed, you give out a little “hooray” but what happens when you don’t get what you’re looking for?  Do you start feeling rejected?  This has definitely been an issue for me.

Yesterday I set myself a challenge of manifesting some new clients.  I experimented with holding the vibration of attracting new clients. Throughout the day I kept checking in with myself to see if I had any discord in my body and when I found some, I traced it back to where it emanated from and sent my past self some love to transmute it.  This all felt great but by the end of the day, still no new clients.

When I woke up today, I knew yesterday’s offering didn’t get any takers and I started feeling rejected. Once again, I went inwards to check what was happening. The area seeking the most attention, naturally, was my heart. It felt so tight and closed. Checking in with my heart, I was taken back to about ten years ago, the time of a heart wrenching break up. I then held my former self with tenderness, love and understanding. I let her cry and I held her. I spoke to her with the wisdom I have today.


I then moved on to my 10 year old self, on the day that my school friends deserted me in the playground and I was left by myself. Giving my younger self love and compassion felt so good. I held her close and told her how precious she is. It was then that I felt my heart start to expand. It got bigger and bigger in my chest. It felt free and expansive.


I also checked in to see if I needed an essential oil to further this healing. ‘Everlasting’ tested up and the healing characteristics relevant to me were amazing. They were all about releasing repressed and buried emotions and using the wisdom and healing of all my experiences to walk out of my pain and torment. Amazing stuff!

A little while later my boy called me over excitedly to show me something in his cereal bowl. It was two sultanas stuck together to form a heart. “This is for you mummy,” he said. So lovely.


I’ve also heard it said that you can’t feel rejected by anyone else unless you reject yourself. As a sensitive person, it’s sometimes easy to inflict further pain on yourself but it doesn’t really help does it? I know for me, it’s time to stop feeling rejected, embrace any pain and shift it through loving kindness.

If you’re feeling any pain from rejection or disappointment, feel free to book in for a kinesiology session with me to help you to turn things around.

You are good enough, just as you are

Anna Calandro on

The story of not being good enough is an oldie but not a goodie. It is a reoccurring theme that I hear from quite a few clients and people in conversation. It’s something we all too often say about ourselves and leave unquestioned.

This has left me wondering where it comes from? Is it from being compared to a brighter sibling during our early years? Does it come from seeing others outperform you professionally? Or could it possibly be a self-inflicted torture from being unforgiving towards ourselves when we make a so-called mistake?

I know I am sometimes challenges by the thought that I am not a good enough …. (insert a social role of choice).  But I remind myself that this is just an age old, universal story not grounded in truth.  And who was I comparing myself to in the first place?

You are exactly where you need to be

Comparing yourself to others is a true destroyer of well being. It can cut you to the quick.  But what if you accept the premise that you are exactly where you need to be, not where you think you should be? This can be beautifully liberating if you let it.

What if we could just accept that we are perfect as we are?  Not broken or dysfunctional but just fine. I love the concept of being divinely perfect.  It means we can still have perceived flaws or struggles but essentially we’re perfect just for being ourselves.  And this makes you and me enough,yes, perfectly good enough.

Anna xxx

The act of letting go

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Yesterday I set myself a ‘letting go’ challenge. The reluctance to let go has been on an ongoing theme in my life (relationships past their use by date, stepping out with my light blazing etc). The challenge was physical but I felt it had far reaching consequences.

Every Tuesday I take my kids to an indoor climbing and trampolining centre. While my daughter does aerial cadets training (fancy name for trampolining), my boy quite happily scampers up 5 metre tall walls and stepping poles, lets go of the wall and peacefully floats back to earth.

The first time I tried this a few months ago I could quite easily climb to the top of the wall but when faced with the letting go, I just couldn’t. Instead of floating down, with a sweating, extremely adrenaline fueled body and pumping heart, I just climbed down again. I did not feel great about that but it seemed an easier option than the terror of letting go.

Yesterday, before I even got to the climbing place, I set myself the intention of embracing the act of letting go. So there I was metres above the ground poised to let go of the wall and just float back down. And you know what, I still couldn’t do it. I then asked staff what’s the easiest way to just let go and he replied, “Just let go.” Still not so happy or confident, I held on. It was when he said he’d count for me and that I could release my iron grip on the wall on “three”, that I finally managed to do that. The letting go was still terrifying for that split second before I felt the beautiful tension of the rope engaging as I started to drift down. The downward descent was so sweet. I wish it went for an hour.

Inspired to master this act of letting go, I kept climbing and descending. Did the letting go get easier? Not really, but I kept doing it anyway. In the words of the Australian vernacular, “I had a go.”  Good on me.  xxx
womanbelievinginself

You have all the time in the world

Anna Calandro on

I love the idea that nothing is fixed. Don’t like your job?  How about leaving?  Want to experience adventure? Buy a boat and sail up the coast of Australia (hey Jude and Steve).  Looking for a new way to support your family?  Return to full time study at the age of 48 (hey me).

It was once told to me that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The next best time is today.  So what are you waiting for?
change our minds

Stopping the self abuse

Anna Calandro on

I do believe one of my biggest life lessons is to stop being so bloody hard on myself.

To a vast extent I have achieved this, mainly with the help of a lot of soul-searching, personal development and kinesiology.

The funny thing is, that before I became a mother I actually thought I was doing okay and my self-esteem was in the healthy range.  But after becoming a mum, and setting myself impossibly high standards, my healthy self-esteem bottomed out as self loathing.  So how did such a major shift happen?

A lot has to do with expectations.  I expected that I would be the perfect mum after seeing myself as  both a good daughter and a good partner (please note that I didn’t say perfect).  I didn’t realise at the time, that this was pure craziness and impossible to achieve.  So instead of thriving as an indie (solo) mum, I just beat myself up every time I fell short of being perfect.  Silly, I know.

Did I hold other mothers to such high standards?  Of course not, so why did I make an exception for myself? I think it comes back to being both a perfectionist (and now, thank goodness, I’m a former perfectionist) and a Virgo desperately trying to hang on to control in the face of domestic chaos. As a new mum, all of a sudden I had this precious being to nurture and protect. Loving her was so easy but when my little darling did not get the recommended amount of sleep, I automatically assumed that I was doing something wrong.  A trying case of post natal anxiety did not help either. And could I make my daughter sleep more? Hell no, and hence my ensuing despair and self recrimination. Just writing this I can feel the former tension rising in my body.

Three years later and after the birth to my beautiful son, it was declared by one of the midwives that I had split abdominal muscles.  So in the weeks and months following his birth, I dutifully did the recommended exercises to try to rectify the issue.  Try as I would, the muscles did not get much closer.  Instead of celebrating this and the fact that I had a carried and delivered a healthy, bouncing boy without any drugs or intervention, I criticised my body for letting me down.  It was just another case of personal, and this time physical, failure and opportunity for me to be harsh to myself. Did it help?  Not in the slightest.  In the end, after about six months of religiously doing the exercises, the hospital staff just advised me to let them go.

Fast forward another five years and I have just recently had my unruly locks permanently straightened.  As I was sitting at the hairdressers and surveying the result I stopped myself from thinking, “Great new hair but shame about the face.” Instead I sent myself a loving thought.  Some self kindness at last.  Hooray.

 

Go on, use your courage

Anna Calandro on

I am feeling so inspired by doing Marianne’s on-line Aphrodite Training.  I think she has amazing depth and knowledge.  When my daughter is of a suitable age I’ll be pointing her in the direction of it.

Thought I’d share with you this beautiful quote.

marianne quote