It’s fair to say that I know a thing or two about heartbreak. Not just the romantic kind but also the potentially bruising heartbreak of not achieving what you’ve got your heart set on. But all of this involves looking for external validation. As the sages say, what we seek we already have within us. Mystic Persian poet Rumi writes, “You wander from room to room looking for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck.”
As you probably know, in emotional pain there is an opportunity for both suffering and opening. Suffering often involves the agonising of going over everything in your head, wondering what would have happened if only you did things differently. I know, I’ve been there and it’s really not a fun place to be. It can also be the dashed dreams of what you thought your future looked like.
Opening means softening into the pain and letting your heart crack wide open to let the light in. And through illumination, we see our gifts and the meaning of the lessons. Some of the lessons I have learned is that I am precious even if I have let myself be treated otherwise and that I can be strong and capable on my own. One other huge lesson was that I couldn’t have a successful relationship with someone who has no love for himself.
Does softening into the sensation mean that you will feel no pain? Heck, no. Heartbreak is real and sometimes it feels that it’s going to snap you in two. But don’t try to resist it. Flow with it. Let the pain wash over you. See where you feel it in your body and soften into that. Don’t try to judge it. Just let the sensations be. When we don’t rate our sensations as either good or bad they are free to be and also to move on.
Also, be very gentle with yourself. Don’t listen to well-meaning people who tell you to just “buck up” or that you should be over it by now. Grieving is a real process and generally, it takes quite a bit of time.
And ask yourself, “What’s the learning in this? What are the gifts? Could this heartbreak be an opportunity for you to rediscover your strengths or even your self? Could it be teaching you how to stay in alignment?
I love helping women with issues relating to the heart. Whether it’s a relationship problem or an issue to do with self, it’s always an honour to help people gain more peace and clarity. Contact me if you feel I may be able to help you too.
Much love, Anna xxx