Most of my forgiveness practice has involved various men in my life. Not my father or any male relatives but my partners.
I was with my first partner for 16 years. For most of those years I was yearning to start a family. He kept saying, “not now, not now.” I was not confident enough to say, “Actually, this is too important to me. I respect your wish to delay having a child but I need to fulfill this dream, so I’m out.” Instead I was thinking who else would want me and that all good things come to those that wait.
I was kind of right on the latter. I did eventually get what I was dreaming of, a beautiful child, but I waited for what seems to be a ridiculous amount of time: 18 long years. Far out, some of those years felt like torture.
When waiting feels like torture
So what happened in those years of waiting and wanting to start a family? I started feeling resentful. I also often grieved when I began my period even though we were using birth control.
Eventually I left the relationship. I felt that if I had stayed I would somehow drown or lose myself completely.
The interesting thing was that as soon as I left, all resentment and anger toward this man, who kept telling me to wait, just disappeared. I did not even feel like I needed to have forgiveness for this man. He was honouring his needs and now I was honouring mine.
I was finally doing what I needed to do, moving more freely in the direction of my dream. I had an open heart. That in itself is truly empowering.
Forgiveness equals freedom
On the 5th of October I am beginning a 40 day group practice of forgiveness called Free and Fearless. If you would like to join us, please click here: https://www.canva.com/design/DAEELBiolsQ/W51aWrHo8BiZIHZgflTXEw/view?utm_content=DAEELBiolsQ&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=sharebutton
From my heart to yours,
Anna