Reaching Out for Help

In this fast paced world, where there can be multiple things (or children) screaming for your attention at the one time, it’s crucial to reach out for help if and when you need it. 

Nearly two years ago, I was actually so miserable, disconnected and feeling alone, that I took steps to leave this earth. I fervently believed that death had to be easier than what I was experiencing here and that my children would somehow be okay without me. Madness? Yes, I see that now.

As a write this, I’m wondering if any of you will now be condemning me as a mother and declaring me not worthy of having children.

So what happened?  Did I change my mind?  Not really.  Let’s just say that the universe intervened and I realised that my place is here, alongside my beautiful kids.

You might also be asking if I actually love my children?  The answer is an unequivocal, “Yes”.  I love them with every fibre of my being and they know that.

So how could I contemplate leaving them?  I actually thought they might be better off with a new mum.  A mum who wasn’t tired much of the time, cranky and lost.

Thank goodness I am no longer in that same fragile state. Yeah, I still get tired and cranky but I no longer feel that life is just too hard to bear.

I’m actually nervous about posting this piece.  I’ve only told one friend and two practitioners about that ever so dark blip in my mothering journey but I feel I have an important message to share.

I get it that everyone has personal challenges and that life is really busy for them. But for someone to contemplate checking out there must have been outward signs.  Do I have good, close friends and family?  Absolutely. And did I talk to them about all of this? Not entirely.

Sure some people knew I was not in a happy space but I actually did not want to trouble my two closest friends, with the absolute seriousness of what was going on.  I figured that they had enough to worry about.

So what is my message?  I’m asking you, if you’ve read this far, to look around your own group of family and friends.  See if there’s anyone who might need some help, a break or an ear to bend. Don’t just dismiss them as someone who is down and not much fun to be around.

For goodness sake, reach out to them.  And I don’t mean by text. And please don’t ask a parent how they are feeling in front of their children (people are very good at putting on a brave face).

Go out for a coffee and talk face to face.  And if you feel inclined to help in some way, don’t just ask, “Is there anything I can do?”  If you see that they are not coping in some way and may need a break, INSIST on them accepting your helping.  Make it easy for them to say yes.

I’m actually blown away by the absolute kindness of a new school friend (another sole parent) who has offered to mind my kids for an upcoming weekend. My first reaction was that I couldn’t possibly do this but she was quite clear that I had no choice. “You WILL be having a weekend off.  And I WILL nag you until you choose a date.”  Bless her.

This will be my second weekend off without the kids, for fun and not study, in nearly 10 years. Hallelujah. I am feeling very, very lucky, supported, grateful and blessed.  And I’m looking forward to either returning the favour or paying it forward.

This seems a bit trite to tack on the end of this piece but if you are feeling that life is just too hard, please take the step to talk to someone about it.  I actually chose, the non-medication route but if that is what you need please go and talk to your doctor. There is no shame in saying that you need help.  It actually takes more courage to admit that you need it. You might also like to check out Beyond Blue at https://www.beyondblue.org.au.

For me, kinesiology helped enormously. If you called to work with me, please feel free to phone me for a confidential and extremely non-judgemental chat. I have stood where you are standing and I’m so happy to say I have not only survived but am now beginning to thrive.

 

How to turn around feeling rejected

Feeling rejected can be heart breaking. You’re putting yourself out there:  you’re trying to drum up new business, you might be applying for jobs or hoping to crack into a new social circle.  When you succeed, you give out a little “hooray” but what happens when you don’t get what you’re looking for?  Do you start feeling rejected?  This has definitely been an issue for me.

Yesterday I set myself a challenge of manifesting some new clients.  I experimented with holding the vibration of attracting new clients. Throughout the day I kept checking in with myself to see if I had any discord in my body and when I found some, I traced it back to where it emanated from and sent my past self some love to transmute it.  This all felt great but by the end of the day, still no new clients.

When I woke up today, I knew yesterday’s offering didn’t get any takers and I started feeling rejected. Once again, I went inwards to check what was happening. The area seeking the most attention, naturally, was my heart. It felt so tight and closed. Checking in with my heart, I was taken back to about ten years ago, the time of a heart wrenching break up. I then held my former self with tenderness, love and understanding. I let her cry and I held her. I spoke to her with the wisdom I have today.


I then moved on to my 10 year old self, on the day that my school friends deserted me in the playground and I was left by myself. Giving my younger self love and compassion felt so good. I held her close and told her how precious she is. It was then that I felt my heart start to expand. It got bigger and bigger in my chest. It felt free and expansive.


I also checked in to see if I needed an essential oil to further this healing. ‘Everlasting’ tested up and the healing characteristics relevant to me were amazing. They were all about releasing repressed and buried emotions and using the wisdom and healing of all my experiences to walk out of my pain and torment. 
Amazing stuff!

A little while later my boy called me over excitedly to show me something in his cereal bowl. It was two sultanas stuck together to form a heart. “This is for you mummy,” he said. So lovely.


I’ve also heard it said that you can’t feel rejected by anyone else unless you reject yourself. As a sensitive person, it’s sometimes easy to inflict further pain on yourself but it doesn’t really help does it? I know for me, it’s time to stop feeling rejected, embrace any pain and shift it through loving kindness.

If you’re feeling any pain from rejection or disappointment, feel free to book in for a kinesiology session with me to help you to turn things around.

Stopping the self abuse

I do believe one of my biggest life lessons is to stop being so bloody hard on myself.

To a vast extent I have achieved this, mainly with the help of a lot of soul-searching, personal development and kinesiology.

The funny thing is, that before I became a mother I actually thought I was doing okay and my self-esteem was in the healthy range.  But after becoming a mum, and setting myself impossibly high standards, my healthy self-esteem bottomed out as self loathing.  So how did such a major shift happen?

A lot has to do with expectations.  I expected that I would be the perfect mum after seeing myself as  both a good daughter and a good partner (please note that I didn’t say perfect).  I didn’t realise at the time, that this was pure craziness and impossible to achieve.  So instead of thriving as an indie (solo) mum, I just beat myself up every time I fell short of being perfect.  Silly, I know.

Did I hold other mothers to such high standards?  Of course not, so why did I make an exception for myself? I think it comes back to being both a perfectionist (and now, thank goodness, I’m a former perfectionist) and a Virgo desperately trying to hang on to control in the face of domestic chaos. As a new mum, all of a sudden I had this precious being to nurture and protect. Loving her was so easy but when my little darling did not get the recommended amount of sleep, I automatically assumed that I was doing something wrong.  A trying case of post natal anxiety did not help either. And could I make my daughter sleep more? Hell no, and hence my ensuing despair and self recrimination. Just writing this I can feel the former tension rising in my body.

Three years later and after the birth to my beautiful son, it was declared by one of the midwives that I had split abdominal muscles.  So in the weeks and months following his birth, I dutifully did the recommended exercises to try to rectify the issue.  Try as I would, the muscles did not get much closer.  Instead of celebrating this and the fact that I had a carried and delivered a healthy, bouncing boy without any drugs or intervention, I criticised my body for letting me down.  It was just another case of personal, and this time physical, failure and opportunity for me to be harsh to myself. Did it help?  Not in the slightest.  In the end, after about six months of religiously doing the exercises, the hospital staff just advised me to let them go.

Fast forward another five years and I have just recently had my unruly locks permanently straightened.  As I was sitting at the hairdressers and surveying the result I stopped myself from thinking, “Great new hair but shame about the face.” Instead I sent myself a loving thought.  Some self kindness at last.  Hooray.

 

Standing peacefully in your personal power

 

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While we were getting ready for school and kinder today, my beautiful five-year-old son had a meltdown over a perceived theft from his recent pinnata booty.  Rather than react with more emotion, I chose a more peaceful response.  I just put my hands over my solar plexus chakra and stood in my personal power with a loving heart.

The solar plexus chakra is our centre for peaceful, personal power and if we’re feeling threatened or attacked in any way it’s really helpful to put our hands over it (check out my chakra post if you would like more information).

After the tantrum finished, I asked my boy if he would like a hug and he just melted in my arms.  A very beautiful end to a morning challenge.

The wonderful world of chakras

Two months ago, the final class of my Diploma in Kinesiology was about chakras and auras and I loved every minute of it. The common idea of a chakra is a vortex of energy in the shape of a spinning, spiral shaped wheel.  Modern mystic Belinda Davidson describes chakras as being our willing workers which help us in all areas of our life. She writes, “Each one of your chakras energetically fuels and sustains aspects of your life and your body. They do this by receiving energy for your energy field from the universe and then transporting this energy into a certain area of your life and body. Think of the chakras as happy, eager, diligent workers, who spend all day looking after, managing and organising every aspect of your life.”

In kinesiology class we learnt there are seven major chakras and 21 one minor ones.  The first major chakra, located at the perineum, is the Base chakra and is all about our tribe, sense of belonging, physical survival and security. It is red in colour.

Just below our navel is our second chakra, the Sacral chakra and it concerns emotions, sexuality and addictions. It is orange in colour.

Third up is the Solar Plexus chakra. It’s under our rib cage and is yellow. It is related to our  thinking and where our personal power lies.  Tip: if you’re ever feeling verbally or emotionally attacked, hold your hand over your third chakra to activate your personal power.

The Heart chakra is next and its beautiful green energy is about love for self, forgiveness and compassion.  Being the fourth chakra, it is also the bridge between the lower and the upper chakras.

The Throat chakra, our fifth one, helps us to speak our truth as well as being true to ourselves.  Interestingly quite a few people have issues with this which sometimes has to do with being persecuted in a past life.

Our sixth chakra, our Third Eye or Brow one, is indigo or purple and it’s related to intuition, wisdom and insight. Psychic abilities are enhanced with a strong Third Eye chakra.

The last major chakra, our seventh one, is the Crown one and sits right on top of your head (while some people think it’s above your head).  This is our connection with the Divine and is coloured violet.

In Belinda Davidson’s School of the Modern Mystic, which I loved completing its Level One course, she also talks about the next five chakras ascending above your head.

Some interesting chakra facts:

  • Each chakra has a colour which corresponds to the colours of the rainbow and in the same order
  • Every chakra is connected to a layer in your aura
  • All the major chakras are related to one of the major endocrine glands: pineal, pituitary, thyroid, thymus, pancreas, adrenal and gonads
  • There are spiritual life lessons or challenges which relate to each chakra.  As you master each chakra’s challenge you gain power and self knowledge.

So how are your chakras feeling? A guide to knowing how well they are doing is to look at how you’re feeling and if there are some areas of your life which may need a boost.  If you’re feeling as if you’re on your own, your Base chakra may need attention.   If you find it hard to speak your truth, your Throat chakra may need some balancing.

If you sense that one or some of your chakras need help, either strengthening or reducing the energy of them, there are a variety of ways to do this: you can use crystals, meditation, surrounding or dressing yourself in the chakra’s colour and even by putting your hands over them you can draw extra energy into them.  In kinesiology school we were taught some really lovely and easy ways to restore balance.

 

Many thanks to Dr Bruce and Joan Dewe for chakra knowledge shared in class notes for VEF 302. Thanks also to Kristyna Matkova for her magical photo. Copyright: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/profile_matahiasek’>matahiasek / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Fear, what is it good for?

Thanks to greyerbaby for photo
Letting yourself shine (photo by greyerbaby)

At a most excellent kinesiology session I received this week, I discovered just how much fear I have been recently holding on to and how it was keeping me back. Much of my fear and challenge is to do with a perceived notion of lack, i.e lack of time, abundance etc. But here’s the kicker, these negative thoughts are just programs running on a loop which don’t do me any good at all.

According to Russ Harris in his great book The Happiness Trap, since caveman days our brains were hardwired to survive in a world fraught with danger. We needed to belong to the tribe and not be eaten by saber-toothed tigers.  Fast forward  one hundred thousand years and our brains are still hardwired to look out for things which may harm us. We’re not now dodging woolly mammoths. “Instead it’s losing our jobs, being rejected, getting a speeding ticket, embarrassing ourselves in public, getting cancer, or a million and one other common worries.  As a result we spend a lot of time worrying about things that, more often than not, never happen, ” writes Harris.

So what can we do about these niggling fears?  One way is to just listen to them, thank them but also say, “Actually, I’m not buying into that anymore.”  The less you listen to the voice of fear the more likely it is to quieten down.  Another way is to give me a call and have a kinesiology session to get to root of those fears and let your true self shine.

Giving Candida the flick

Climbing down the sugar mountain
Climbing down the sugar mountain

For as long as I can remember I have had a proverbial sweet tooth

Highlights of my childhood, apart from day trips to the beach slathered in Coppertone, were days perched on the kitchen stool  watching my mum make cakes. Whenever she made a cake she would make two additional mini ones for my sister and I to delight in.

Fast forward a few decades and my sweet tooth is getting out of control. Certainly, my sugar bingeing is very much aligned to emotional distress.

Just as an alcoholic would reach for a bottle, I would shove  chocolate into my mouth. I was starting to consume so much of it that I would feel giddy afterwards.  I was seeking oblivion and numbing my pain through sugar.

Before conceiving my daughter I gave up sugar and lost five kilos. After her birth, I resumed my love affair with sugar.  I remember telling the owner of the local cheap shop that his bargain blocks of, soon to be out of date, Lindt chocolate were my downfall.

In my post natal, sleep deprived, anxiety ridden state I would think nothing of scoffing a whole block of chocolate in one go.  I now dread to think how much sugar was being passed on to my daughter through my breast milk.

At playgroup I recall describing to a friend how I felt there was a huge sugar monster inside me who periodically screamed in a deep voice “Feed me sugar!!”

This ticked on for another few years until I had my son, when truly my sugar addiction became out of control. One hundred gram binges grew to two hundred grams and more.

About that time I started seeing an amazing kinesiologist who on the first session asked me what was my addiction was. Without a pause, I answered sugar.  She then went on to clear the addiction.

The next day at playgroup, as a plate of homemade brownies was being passed around, I felt nothing but curiously disinterested.  And how liberating was that?

For about two weeks I was free of any sugar cravings but then came my birthday and I thought that it would be somehow churlish not to have any of the mini-mudcakes that my mum had brought over. Instead of having one or two, I had half the tray. And the sugar monster was reawakened. Before I knew it I was back on the binge and fleeting emotional relief cycle.

In 2013, in an attempt to break my addiction I went on Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar program. It truly worked a treat and for about six months I was clear of sugar. I felt emotionally stronger, cleaner, better and brighter.

But going on holidays later that year, I succumbed to having a Magnum ice-cream, which I then chased with a family block of chocolate and hello again to addiction. This was then followed by my daughter’s birthday and Christmas and who could say no?  Not me, obviously.

This was then followed by a pattern of sugar abstinence and sugar bingeing. Last year another round of I Quit Sugar beckoned and all was good for a while. Then came the silly season and I hesitate to think of how much sugar I consumed.

But come New Years Day 2015 and I went cold turkey. Much of January was spent sobbing. I thought I was just being hormonal but when I mentioned it to my kinesiologist  she tested me for candida and there it was. She described how candida almost has a consciousness and what it wants is for the host body (me) to just sit on the couch and give up on life.

This resonated with me.  Since having my children, I have fought against periods of such intense fatigue and despair that I just felt like fading away. If it wasn’t for my beautiful cherubs, I truly don’t think I would be here anymore.

But here comes the good bit

Since the 6th of February this year, I have been slaying that sugar monster with carefully monitored and diluted drops of food grade hydrogen peroxide. At the risk of sounding like a hydrogen peroxide zealot, may I say that I now feel brilliant.

Energy, optimism and positivity are back.  Hooray. Things I’ve been stalling on for over a year, like printing my business cards and commissioning someone to build me a website, are getting done. I feel better than my old good self. Life is blossoming beautifully.

You may be wondering if my candida is gone?

Just from how I am feeling, I would say yes.  Have I had a blood test or kinesiology check? Not yet.

If you have candida, you may be also be wondering if hydrogen peroxide is for you? I would say do some research.

There’s a brilliant book called, The One Minute Cure by Madison Cavanaugh, which sings the praises of Hydrogen Peroxide. An ebook copy of it comes free when you buy food grade hydrogen peroxide from Hydrogen Peroxide Australia (hydrogenperoxidesales@gmail.com).

One of the things I like in the book is how nobody is making a profit from hydrogen peroxide. Since it already exists it cannot be patented.  Madison estimates that it costs one and a half cents a day to take. I also learnt that hydrogen peroxide occurs naturally in breastmilk. No wonder breastfed babies have excellent immunity.

When I received my parcel of hydrogen peroxide it came with gloves and a face mask. I would have to say that my first reaction was fear. But then I thought what do I have to lose? Hydrogen peroxide is just water with extra oxygen. I also didn’t fancy going on antifungal tablets which can be so taxing on your liver.

Do I still love chocolate? Yes, I do. But now I can satiate myself with just far smaller quantities. And who can quibble with that?

And with my renewed energy I am making some scrumptious IQS sugar free treats. Life is indeed sweet.